Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Welp today is Thanksgiving 2011. I wish my baby was here. Poor baby is out there eating MRE's

and im over here about to chow down on some fooooood... gah i feel so bad -_- I promise baby ill make you your own lil turkey dinner when you get home :)

Anyways, on cyber monday, I am restarting my diet and sticking to it. I hate feeling fat. I hate eating.. it disgusts me.. that sounds crazy.. i know. but gah. i eat when im bored (and im bored alot these days) i wanna look better than i did when i was in high school! I hate complaining about my weight... I used to LOVE taking pictures! now i hide from the camera.. my goal is to lose 40 lbs by the time he comes home :) I WILL meet that goal and more because i will NOT be looking
like that -->

Forever is only the beginning....

So I cried like a baby while watching Breaking Dawn.. I seriously could not believe how much I cried during the wedding!! :(( And the music that they played while they were saying their vows was the same music from the end of the first Twilight movie when they were dancing at their prom.. omg that made me CRYYYY... Eff, im so emotional. Lol. Well I have sooo many emotions going through me this past week its been crazy. But im going to save that for another post later...
Bottom Line...
BREAKING DAWN IS THE BEST FREAKING MOVIE EVER! OMG OMG OMG I CANT WAIT FOR PART 2 TO COME OUT!!!!!!!!

Hanging in there!!!

7.5 weeks without you.. Seems like you just got on those buses yesterday, but time is flying :)
I thank God for allowing me to be sane! I just miss my husband so much. I talk to him on the phone and I cry silently because I dont want him to hear me crying. I dont want his morale to lower.
Everyone asks, "Are you ok?!" My answer.. My honest answer... is no. Im NOT okay. So please stop fucking asking me if im okay. "But you knew whatyou guys were both getting into". Well no shit dumbass, i know we knew what we were getting into.. Its just hard. I never ever am one to complain but damn people are getting on my last fucking nerve and i feel like i am going to explode! Ive dealt with liars, fakes, bitches, whores etc.. and its only been a month!!! This deployment is really making me see people for who they truly are. Im not saying to come over all the time and always ask if im ok, but hey... a quick text saying "hey are you alive?" will make me fucking happy. Is that too much to ask for from my "Best friends".. Gah.. -_- My best friends have seriously had my back. Melinda has been my numero uno supporter and im soooooo freaking grateful to have had her in my life for the past almost 10 years :) Also, im very grateful for breann. I swear she is always asking if im ok and if i ever wanna hang out. And my Cee Cee Bee all the way out in Hawaii! I love you bee, just thank you so much for always texting me every night to see how im doing!! Your man is coming home soon babygirl!! So excited for you!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
Anywho, yeah this deployment is also making me fall in love all over with my husband. Like how we were when we first started dating! Only talking through emails and phone calls :) So cute. I love him with all my heart i swear i cant wait for these holidays to be over with!!!!!!!
Welp, bedtime!

Happy Birthday Daddy!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BABYYYYY!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!! <3 Happy Birthday baby! Im so happy we were FINALLY able to spend a birthday together!!! :) Well, today was my husbands 21st birthday and we went to Knotts Berry Farm and had a blast :) We even took those old pics haha. Im worn out and cant believe predeployment week is over :/ Going to spend as much time as i can with my baby and smother him with love and kisses until he leaves!!! Predeployment pics tomorrow!! :D

It's never going to be my time...

One day I hope to become a mother. I sit on the sidelines and literally all my best friends are poppping out kids. Dont get me wrong, im SUPER happy for them, but at the same time I wish I could be a momma... I dont understand what we are doing wrong! We are timing our ovulation dates, im on prenatals, we got lab tests done.. we are okay! Im just sooo confused!! :/ Just one baby and I would be okay :) We just want to be parents and love our baby! Is that too much to ask? :(

I realize i dont have a best friend...

Today was a really great day with my love. We went fishing and had a BLAST!!! He took me out on a date to my favorite taco shop and then went bowling :) After that, we talked about our upcoming weekend to Vegas!!
Well, I have many best friends.. They live far but they are my best friends. I really truely dont have that ONE best friend anymore where I talked to 24/7 and texted all day long, and am able to act my stupid self around without having to worry if i offend them or not. I miss that soo freaking much. I had a friend like that throughout high school and i cant believe i messed that up.. She knew everything about me and i knew everything about her. she knows secrets of mine and i know secrets of hers that we are taking to our grave. Yet even though i have no way of contacting her or finding out any information, i am still trying to find her. Maybe she is still the same and we can be best friends again if she forgives me for what we have been through..
Some of yall are reading this thinking "well isnt your husband your best friend???".. the answer is, "well DUHHH my husband is my best friend!!" But every girl needs a woman best friend as well, ya know.. The man can only take so much and wont understand as much as a woman.
Well anyways, we are going to Vegas on Friday-Saturday and Joey told me to pick a few friends out to bring with us.. Turns out, i have NOBODY!!! Yeah there are a few 'friends' that i could invite but i dont wanna have to spend my time worrying if im going to offend them or say something that they wont like. I need a best friend! im going crazy over here.. like hardcore and im sitting here crying because i feel like i dont have that special friend to talk to about anything. Yeah i text friends throughout the day but its not the same. im hurt and realize, i dont have a best friend... </3

My Hunni Sings this song to me :)
Im sooo gonna miss this when he's gone :/